One Man’s Torture, Another Man’s Military Training

Oh my God, Lissa, I’m so shocked.  Agents of the United States, in the form of the CIA, actually tortured people!  Okay, so they were terrorists, or supporters of terrorism, but really, to subject them to the same horrific treatment we give our own military?  Our soldiers volunteer to go to SERE school and learn how to Survive, Evade, Resist and Escape.  How dare we subject these poor innocent murderers to the same brutal punishment?

Of course, SERE school is designed to give our soldiers a taste of what’s waiting for them if they get captured by these very same sadistic maniacs.  It gives you good incentive not to be captured, I guess, but I never could see a reason to practice to be miserable, myself.  So when you crash your helo and get captured you can go, “wow, déjà vu, this is familiar.” ?

SERE school is limited, however.  They can’t really do the kinds of things there that, say the Viet Cong did to our soldiers in Viet Nam, like drive bamboo shoots under their fingernails, or what the likes of Al Qaeda and ISIS have done and are doing to our innocent civilians, such as beheading them or forcing them to jump from burning buildings.  No, our tactics are limited to things like sleep deprivation, isolation, waterboarding and threats.  Scary, but not really torture.  I mean, really.

Of course, torture is in the mind of the beholder.  I mean, for some people, torture is having to sit through an episode of Keeping up with the Kardashians.  And when you think about it, some women actually pay to have hot wax smeared on their private parts and the hair ripped out by the roots.  How come the folks down at Gitmo never thought of that interrogation technique?  Those poor bastards would have sung like sopranos!

But now the truth is out and oh, how CNN and the pundits are outraged, and all around the world, we’re quaking in our boots in fear of retaliation once the psychotic maniacs find out what we did to their comrades in arms…

They’re laughing.

Waterboarding?  Sleep deprivation?  Isolation?  Death threats?  Seriously?

They’re probably lining up for a trip to Gitmo, an all-inclusive tropical island resort, complete with stylish “resort-wear” jumpsuits (orange is the new black, after all), hydrating facials and cleansing colonics.  I mean, seriously, look at the nasty kitty litter box of a country they come from.  Ever see a palm tree in an Al Jazeera video?  Any kind of a tree, shrub, even a blade of grass?  It’s all just rocks and dirt.  Who wouldn’t want to escape that hell hole!

I remember a few years back when some prison warden in one of the Midwestern states ran out of room and forced prisoners to live in army tents, the same crappy army tents soldiers are living in all around the world to this very day.  I certainly spent my share of time in one, six months at a shot, with a dirt floor, a miserable cot and a sawed off barrel for a toilet a quarter mile away.  Those prisoners still had electricity, television and decent food — much more than we ever had, and WE hadn’t committed any crimes.  But they were all up in arms about how poorly they were being treated.  It made me sick.

Torture?  It’s a matter of perspective.  Yeah, maybe our white hat’s got a smudge or two on it, but we’re not cutting people’s heads off, are we.  Get over it.


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