Gone Phishing


Hey Lissa,

The sheisters are getting trickier. This one even urged me to Google him… Took a little digging, but I unearthed him nonetheless. Here is what I sent him back:

Dear Mr. “Kaiser,”

Congratulations. You’ve done your homework and your English reeks only slightly of not being from the U.S. Hint: The REAL George B. Kaiser wouldn’t use the term “USD $1,000.000.00 (One Million United State Dollars).” He would just say “a million dollars.” We Americans know what a million dollars is; we don’t need to have it spelled out for us.

On Googling the latest email scams, I found yours. You have cleverly switched purported donors, but obviously not the language:

“My name is Charles Francis Feeney, a philanthropist and the founder of The Atlantic Philanthropies, one of the largest private foundations in the world. I believe strongly in ‘giving while living.’ I had one idea that never changed in my mind — that you should use your wealth to help people and I have decided to secretly give $1.924 Million to randomly selected individuals worldwide. On receipt of this email, you should count yourself as the lucky individual. Your email address was chosen online while searching at random. Kindly get back to me at your earliest convenience, so I know your email address is valid.”

I guess it’s really hard for you to come up with a whole paragraph that might pass as American English, huh?

Too bad you can’t find a better way to pick your victims. You see, I have no money – none, nada, absolutely zilch. And I have what’s called “derogatory” credit – go ahead and look that one up, I’ll wait.

So you really wouldn’t gain anything by stealing my identity, unless you really do have a lot of money and want to pay off my debts (ha ha). As far as I know, my name is not yet on any FBI terrorist watch lists, but unless you’re a middle aged white woman, good luck passing as me.

Why don’t you stop trying to wreck people’s lives and take a page from the playbook of the REAL George Kaiser, Charles Feeney and all the other wonderful people who truly have pledged to give away large portions of their wealth (and whom YOU undoubtedly Googled in order to find a plausible cover story) and put your considerable time and effort towards a more noble cause than ripping off desperate people?

Schmucks like you are the lowliest form of pond scum, such that there is no life form I could even liken you to. Even a dung beetle serves a useful purpose on the planet. You do not.

There is real suffering in the world. Stop being such a self-serving, greedy, conniving dirtbag of a thief and put your time to better use, Mr. Bangar. Yes, that’s right, though you urged me to contact you at georgebkaiser13@gmail.com, your return email comes up as bmbangar@gmail.com, you idiot.

Get a life.

Sincerely,

A “lucky individual”

By the way, Lissa, I went ahead and cc’d the Atlantic Foundation, which is where I found the info on this latest phishing scam. They’re trying to catch people like this, so maybe they can put a trace on this guy. If not, at least they’ll get a good laugh…
P

Peewee
Hopefully you haven’t waived a red flag in front of this bad bull shitter!
L

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3 Responses to “Gone Phishing”

  1. Stacey Says:

    Omg! I love your response. I too just received the email for free money! I’d love for someone to pay my debt off too! Lol

  2. Owen Says:

    Oh dear…. You see, they are not interested in your response just your email address :( These emails are not directed to so called ‘lucky’ individuals but to millions of addresses in hope of any sort of reply. Spam emails are forwarded on through people’s contacts thus sending the same email through their contacts and it goes on. Even though I enjoyed your witty responce I only hope that your email address won’t be tampered with. :(

  3. Vince Says:

    Great reply I just received the above letter. Like you there is not much they could do to ruin my credit and ID theft they won’t be the first or last, and unfortunately if they can get credit on my horrendous credit – I would proudly shake their hands for that miracle – see i have ZERO credit, since losing my job I went from immaculate (the highest credit) now the lowest credit score. So the George person wont get very far with my info. I have no intention of responding to this scam.

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